Just the other day I found out that someone I used to correspond with, had committed suicide. I don’t generally post about real-life experiences, instead I tend jot up on tech and gadgets that I fancy, but today is different. Today, I’m making space to write something important.
I really didn’t know this person well at all, but that still doesn’t take from the shock of realising that one day they send you a mail, and the next they are gone. Forever. There is no way back. I’m not going to talk about this case any further. Rather, I’d like to open a discussion on how the shame around suicide is smothering its survivors. Suicide is a shadow killer. As progressive as Irish society is today, we really only live in a village from Dingle to Derry. Suicide and shame go hand-in-hand. It’s very easy for experts to pooh-pooh the impact that shame has on a family that has lost a member to suicide. Forever, they will be marked as the family that couldn’t hold it together. The family that couldn’t save their own. The family that lost a member to suicide.
In Ireland, the societal reaction to families whose members commit suicide often manifests itself into an icy veneer. There’s that stoic face for the public. We can deny it all we like, but deep, deep down there’s also that voice that says “Oh, did you hear what happened to such and such?” We’re human and not in the best way. Instead, of opening space for family and friends to grieve, we stifle it. We need to challenge our own preconceptions of how suicide fits into the picture. Suicide is not going away. Just like drug addiction, it touches each and every part of society. It doesn’t care if you go to the gym three times a week, what you earn or how many holidays you take a year. We are all equal in its eyes. Someday soon you may find yourself losing a spouse, a child, a brother, a mother or a friend to suicide. So, how do you want to be treated?