Is That a Smile I See?
Seriously, could the people of Ireland smile a bit more? Just a little. In the past ten years or so, I’ve noticed that the natural tendency for folks to smile or say hi to strangers had been jettisoned in favour of a grey, grumpy demeanor. It appears that it is no longer acceptable to strangers to strike up conversation on-spec or give a quick smile. Showing teeth in a smile is now virtually akin to snarling. I’m on a mission to beat this overbearing attitude one smile at a time.
I’m generally quite a chatty person and love to strike up random conversations with folks on buses and in shops - pretty much anywhere. It’s nice to share moments with people. I’m a big believer in the adage that one’s life is a packed solid with little moments. Traces of normality that we share with those we care about. And if we can’t enjoy the small pleasure in life like the smell of coffee, someone laughing, two consecutive green traffic lights or the gentle hum of an old radiator then how can we begin to celebrate meeting that someone special or holding our children in our arms for the very first time?
Just the other day, I was playing with my new phone, a Nokia N70 (that will tide me fine until the new 8gig N95 comes out), and was having a grand old time. I put it away and browsed around a store, my head still filled with the joy of playing tactile with something new. I stopped and spoke to the sales assistant asking about something I wanted to take a look at. And as I usually do, I struck up a bit of a conversation. As a former sales assistant myself, I know all of the symbols of ‘I’m bored standing behind this counter with feck all to do, please talk to me’ as well as ‘don’t effing talk to me eva, hmm, k’. At the end of the conversation, laced with casual niceties I made a purchase. The sales assistant smiled at me and asked, “New man?”. “Nope, I’m just happy”, I answered.
The point is, that sharing moments and smiles is not only showing generosity but also opening a bridge to allow it back. I’m not a happy-clappy hippy, but one must give out what they want to receive. So, try it today. Share a moment with someone out of the blue. Give a smile and brighten up the darkening darks of the impending Winter. You never know, it could become part of your social rituals and spread some smiles across Ireland.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:13 am
I’d love to know where this new culture of surliness has come from. If I have a choice I always go to the checkout manned by an immigrant - in general I find them much more mannerly and pleasant than Irish shop assistants.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
My nightmare is someone on a train or bus striking up a conversation. At what point can you say ok, nice talking to you, but there is an hour of this journey left and i just want to read my book/listen to music/fall asleep without sounding rude? Worse still if they are just plain annoying or weird, you are trapped on the inside seat and they wont get the hint.
Smile ok but avoid eye contact at all costs and save yourself!
Of course what can you do when its your own wife starting the conversation with a stranger…
We need a book of conversation rules for public transport!
October 30th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
@Alan, I understand that there are situations where starting a conversations are inappropriate when travelling. However, body language usually informs one of the openness of their travelling companions to conversation. For example, if someone has headphones on, is reading a paper or a book, then that’s a no-go area. The signals say no, so I’m not going there. A smile is sufficent.
I’m not saying that people should be killed with conversation, just that we ought to be more open when the opportunity presents itself to converse, smile and learn a little about each other.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
@James, I find the same. I miss not being able to be personable in retail environments.
When I worked in Sales, I found the best way to get customers interested in my products was smiling and talking. Up to the point, where I was stopped by a customer outside the work environment who wanted to check on the availability of a product as well have a quick chat. At the time I was collecting wreathes for my grandfather’s funeral. Yes, a sad time. But all the same, no matter how inappropriate it sounds, it was nice to have someone who was walking down the street to stop and remind me that world does indeed keep turning.
October 31st, 2007 at 11:21 am
Great article Alexia, in the rural market towns people are still managing to smile and talk. When I go down to my local co-op to buy some essential piece of DIY paraphernalia my wife knows that its going to take 20 mins. 1 min to drive there, 1 min to find the item and 17 mins of talking to whoever is in there buying calf nuts, fertiliser, silage bale wrap or bags of coal. This slow and easy way of life seems quiet distant when I’m walking around Limerick shopping.
In some ways Irish cities remind me of Sweden and Norway, very insular and unless you are part of certain circle of friends you are left out in the cold (And its cold over there in winter)
October 31st, 2007 at 1:27 pm
@Liam: Thanks. I know exactly what you mean. Big cities have a way of grinding down simple human kindness. Sometimes I miss country folk. Especially older people.